Praised be Jesus Christ! “Father, what should I do about this invitation to my niece’s wedding next month? Even though she is Catholic, she’s getting married in a park and I’m not sure if I should go or not. What do you think?” Resolving difficult situations is something a priest is asked to do many times in his life. What becomes very clear about life in this world is that a “one size fits all” approach is rarely adequate when dealing with people made in God’s image and likeness. Yes, thankfully we do have the 10 Commandments and the teachings of Jesus which come to us through the Catholic Church. Even so, life is messy sometimes and we struggle to know what we ought to do. A friend of mine is a religious Sister and after her parents divorced, her Mom decided to get married outside of the Church (I do not think she went through the annulment process); as my friend pointed out, “She’s my Mom. She knows I disagree with the way she is handling this, but charity necessitates that I attend her civil ceremony.” It’s not easy for us to balance our convictions with true Christian charity. Just the same, there are some basic principles that help us discern what we can and cannot do in challenging situations. For example, from the Hippocratic Oath we’re expected to “do no harm.” Following this means we never have recourse to abortion or other procedures that unnecessarily damage our bodies (e.g. tubal ligations and vasectomies). Another principle comes from Saint John Paul’s Love and Responsibility, namely the obligation to treat people with respect. In other words, a human being is never to be used, even for ostensibly noble goals. An example of this sort of manipulation happens when people decide that destroying human embryos in the name of science is morally defensible. It is not. Again, Jesus’ own “golden rule” is as valid today as it was when He first taught it, namely to treat others as we would like to be treated. Finally, the criteria that we must always consider is what charity demands; defined as “willing the good of the other,” charity ought to characterize our actions and our omissions. For example, my aforementioned friend determined that charity meant she should attend her Mom’s wedding, even though it was irregular and not blessed by the Church. However, there are times when charity means that we ought not to attend; I think of occasions when our absence will not cause any real crisis (e.g. a relative or friend that we do not see all that often). God knows we have a duty to live our faith and defend it too – for the times that we feel not attending a civil marriage ceremony will do more harm than good, it’s important that we find a way to share our belief in a non-threatening way. For example, we could buy the newlyweds a Bible and share with them our hope and prayer that God will be the center of their lives. Or we can express that while Catholics ordinarily can only receive the graces of the Sacrament of matrimony in a ceremony presided over by a priest or deacon, we came because we did not want to hurt them in any way. These are difficult situations and even writing about them makes me uncomfortable. God knows that even though we get more practice than we bargained for, it’s always difficult determining what we ought to do. Prayer is the most important component. Sometimes we find that we’ve prayed many hours and still feel a bit unsure. In the end, we can tell God that we are trying to love His people the best we can, but that we only want to do it according to His plan. As Saint Josémaria once pointed out, “We win some, we lose some; repentant, we try again!”
May God show us how to live in the splendor of His truth while loving our family and friends who resist Him!
Your friend in Christ,
Father Martin
May God show us how to live in the splendor of His truth while loving our family and friends who resist Him!
Your friend in Christ,
Father Martin
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